logsville | Hopefully you brought your wallet… OPEN

Who: Huaisang

undiagnosed and OPEN
What: Taking advantage of a business (and drinking) opportunity, Huaisang is setting up shop on the outskirts of the Christmas Village selling thermoses of hot alcoholic beverage and warm winter scarves to anyone who finds themselves teleported to the Christmas Village and in need of such things.
When: December 10th-December 14, random hours during the daytime depending on whether Archer and Huaisang’s laziness outweighs their desire for money and alcohol
Warnings: Irresponsible alcohol use, Archer

After a couple of unpleasant instances of turning up in the Christmas Village without a coat and the ongoing unpleasantness of this family-friendly event not having alcohol, Huaisang decides to take advantage of this opportunity to help other unfortunate out-of-towners like himself.

Imposing upon Archer’s ability to drive a car and desire to sit around drinking hot alcohol, Huaisang invests in a case each of whiskey and peppermint schnapps, a stack of winter scarves, and a dozen thermoses. Loading all of that into Archer’s trunk, Huaisang picks a spot on the outskirts of the Christmas Village, on the way back to town, and takes a seat with Archer on the rear bumper of the car, sipping their hot Peppermint Patty drinks and getting increasingly drunk. He’s got it all figured out. If they run out of hot chocolate, he can send Archer into the Christmas Village to top up the thermoses, which can then be doctored with the schnapps and whiskey to appropriately alcoholic levels.

Anyone obviously from out of town (really anyone who looks grumpy rather than festive on their way out of the Christmas Village), will be greeted with a cheery wave from Huaisang. “Hello! You look cold. Can I offer you something to help warm you up?”

((OOC: Either Archer or Huaisang can be tagged in this log! Huaisang will be the default unless otherwise specified, with Archer threadcrashing liberally. They can also offer rides back into town, for a hefty premium and by a dangerously intoxicated Archer. Huaisang will be handling all the money, especially for rides into town, because he doesn’t trust Archer not to get distracted and forget about him.))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Oh, right, uh —" It likely should have occurred to him that not everyone will be familiar with the same things he is, since he knows there are folks from different times and worlds here, as odd as that all is. He doesn't know exactly when or where Huaisang is from, so he'll stick to the basics.

He gestures to Archer's car. "There's vehicles like that one, but they're owned by a company, who hires someone to drive 'em. They'll take you where you want to go in return for money. They're often a bit more expensive than driving yourself would be, but useful if you've gotten stuck halfway across town."

"Oh, we'll do that!" Huaisang offers cheerfully. In exchange for money? Of course they will. Hopefully you don't mind your driver being drunk. "Archer would be happy to drive you back home in exchange for money. And we're right here already, so you won't have to wait."

That just earns an amused snort. "No offense, but you'd have to pay me to get me in a car with Archer behind the wheel." Especially since there's alcohol being sold, so he automatically assumes that Archer has been drinking. He might be a demon, but he's never been much a fan of drunk driving, and he's even less keen on it now that he's woefully human.

"Oh, I'm sure we could let you drive for a small additional fee," Huaisang offers immediately. "No wait, and we'll only charge you slightly more than the taxi company. Archer, wake up, we have a customer."

Reaching up, he tugs the sleeping Archer's ear. "Archer!"

Archer jerks awake, grasping for a gun he doesn't have, then sits up holding his hand out like he's holding one. Kind of a... muscle memory thing, there.

"Huh? Oh." Archer looks dully at his hand, then swings his legs up. "Where?"

He sort of vaguely reaches towards Huaisang as if to stop him, ready to protest that this is absolutely not happening, and that he really needs to work on his sales pitch, because the eagerness is off putting, but Archer's already waking up, and Crowley just sighs instead.

"Hullo, Sterling." It's Archer's favourite Brit. Maybe. Aziraphale might have that honour. "I see you've made a friend."

It's just as well that there's no time for a sales pitch lesson, because Huaisang already has figured out that his own skills aren't going to get any further with this guy. Immunity to puppy eyes! How heinous.

So the best plan is to wake up Archer and to see if he has any better luck. And if not, at least Huaisang is pretty certain that this interaction will be entertaining. He blinks innocently back and forth between the two of them.

"Doctor Who?" he barks immediately, then puts a hand to his head as he smooths down his hair. "Uh, yeah, sure. Whatever."

He frowns for a moment, looking between the two.

"...What are we doing?"

Of all the things that Archer could call him, Doctor Who is hardly the most offensive, and he's still operating under the assumption it's just because he's British.

"We're not doing much of anything. I'm afraid uh, Huaisang, was it?" He's terrible with names, so he's pleased with himself for managing to remember it, even if it was only given a few minutes ago. "Afraid Huaisang woke you for nothing, I was about to be on my way."

While it might potentially be fun to get into an argument with Archer about driving the car, he'd much rather just deal with this on his own and be home sooner. Not to mention he doesn't want to seem like a push over. That's a bad reputation for a demon to have.

"Crowley of London was going to call a taxi," Huaisang answered quickly. "But I explained to him that we are a taxi."

He looks wide-eyed and expectant up at Archer, making a 'go on' gesture toward Crowley. Time to show off all that charm and all those skills at selling that you claimed to have, Sterling.

"Rimshot," he mutters to himself, grasping for his cane as he stands up properly. "Sounds like he's got himself dealt with, to me."

If it was someone else, Archer might have been more neutrally polite, maybe even superficially charming because there's the potential of money involved, but Crowley? The Bastard? Nah.

"I seem to remember turned tables from a couple weeks ago."

It's perhaps a little mean, the mocking pout he directs towards Huaisang, a silent too bad so sad. He did try to stop him making a fuss, because he really isn't shocked by this turn of events.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that. Way I remember it, you were practically begging for my help. I'm happy to be on my way." This is why he and Archer are friends.

"Oh," Huaisang says, with sudden realization, pressing a hand to his mouth. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize. I understand completely now."

Beckoning at Archer to bend down, Huaisang whispers something in his ear, then returns to smiling brightly at Crowley.

"We totally understand."

Archer is not subtle as he bends for Huaisang to gossip quietly, right in front of Crowley. He gasps a little, putting on a show of being scandalized.

"He is, isn't he?" he says with a laugh, acting like what had been said was some kind of insult rather than a simple statement. "Well, then, Crowley, don't fall on your ass on your way home!"

The way he sees it, there are two possible options here. Either they are actually gossiping about him, or they're trying to play him. It doesn't really make much of a difference, though, really.

"Aw, that's cute. Did you plan that beforehand? No, no, don't answer, the mystery is more fun." All said in the most patronizing tone possible, which is pretty patronizing, because he learned from the best. The point is that he's letting them know he isn't nearly that easy.

Which is why he gives a little wave, and starts off on his way. "Ciao."

He might've hung around to chat a bit, but while the attempts at selling to him had been cute at first, his patience has run thin. It often does, for people who aren't certain angels.

Hopefully you brought your wallet… OPEN

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