Holy Sh*tsnacks, Batman! // Early February// Open

[sploosh]

Who: Pam , the Wayne family, and you?
When: Early morning in the Wayne household / throughout the day in town
Where: The Wayne Household / Shops in town
What: Waking up in Santa Rosita and getting the lay of the land
Warnings: Warnings for Pam-typical levels of obscenity


Home Sweet Hostage Situation

The sun is streaming through the window. The birds are singing. There's the soft rumble of car engines warming up as the men of the town head out to work. It's a beautiful day in Santa Rosita..and it sounds NOTHING like the big city, so Pam can't sleep. She tosses and turns for a while, fighting the obvious discord all around her, but it's just too much.

The blond sits up in her twin bed asking "why's it so bright?" to no one in particular. That brightness gives way to the obvious problems with the location, though. This room alone is bigger than Pam's whole apartment and none of these things belong to her. Did she get hammered and pass out in a stranger's bed? No. None of her one-night-stands live anywhere this clean. Not unless it's a serial killer. She sees the photo of herself and Bruce on the nightstand between the beds. Yep...definitely a serial killer if they put in this kind of effort, but a damn handsome one. Pam grabs the lamp off the little table and carries it with her as she makes her way through the house in her nightgown, taking in all the photos and looking for her kidnapper so she can smash his very pretty brains in.
"Hello? Ridiculously good looking stalker? Anybody?"


---------------------------------------------

Making it feel like home...

Pam doesn't think of the money she has as "stolen". Bruce is her husband, after all. It's their money. Besides, she's using it for their house! She's going to make it so much better!

She's going up and down the floors and ailes of Honeybees looking for just the right items. If she's stuck in this weird out-of-date after school special, she can at least have a home she can be proud of. For now, she's trying to add some color...and some liquor. She has some tiki torches sticking awkwardly out of her buggy nearly a full rainbow of fiesta-ware.

Finally, in frustration, she just stops the next person she sees.

"Excuse me, but have you seen any liquor bars for sale? Especially something that works as with a tiki theme. I woulda thought the house would have a built in wet-bar, but no such luck...Indoor or outdoor, I'm easy."


________________________________________

Every cloud has a sugar lining

Shopping is hungry work. Work that calls for two burgers and a large chocolate shake. This place is a weird and terrible fever dream, but at least it has an old timey diner in the middle. If this milkshake isn't the best thing she's ever had, Pam is calling shenanigans on this whole thing.

She sits at her diner table all alone, but she's certainly open to company. Please just ignore the mess she's making with that burger. There is a distinct possibility that she was born in a barn.

Comments

[sploosh]

"I guess whoever put us here has cast me as your mom....yeah. So..uh. That's weird."

Pam isn't entirely anti-kids, but she didn't expect to just step into already having a pre-teen daughter one morning.

[sploosh]

"...well that's a buzzkill, but not surprising. I am...not."

She starts to raise finger-guns to make suggestions about 'what happens in bizzarro world stays in bizzarro world, but then Bruce adds more bad news to the pile. She'll just save her flirtations for a better time. Probably.

"Wait...when you say "they" you mean...like...everyone outside of here? How big is this thing? I figured it was just us locked in a house."

[the_caped_crusader]

There are forty-four others like us who've been placed in these makeshift nuclear families. The others you'll recognize pretty quickly.

[ bruce takes a quick sip of his coffee and moves towards the window in the kitchen. lifting the shades for a moment, his next door neighbor, always mowing his back yard, smiles and waves with rehearsed emotion as though he'd been waiting there all day to see bruce. unceremoniously, he closes the blinds again. ]

There are other things, too. We were all attacked by ice creatures, before that was dead children. It tends to happen later in the month, though I can say for sure if there's a trend there yet.

every cloud...

[bibliophilicbells]

Aziraphale is, as a rule, polite. Most of the time, anyway, and especially here — lest he offend one of the neighbors and get tranquilized. Or drugged. Or both.

Or worse, even.

The good thing is, his demeanor and dress have lent themselves well to this era, this place; he blends in so well that without his accent, he'd easily be mistaken for a local. And he likes them well enough, is the thing, except for when they're being creepy. But nobody's perfect, and his experiences back home... may have contributed to a slightly twisted sense of what The Powers That Be should or shouldn't be able to do.

Anyway, the point is: He's usually polite, except for sometimes.

Like now.

As he stares openly at Pam from his own seat, fork in hand, one eyebrow arched high.

[purplejaguareye]

Kipo tries to offer a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry, you don't have to ACTUALLY be my mom. I know this place is pretty overwhelming, and it's gotta be even more overwhelming if you're a parent here!"

[sploosh]

Pam smiles back, finally letting her guard down completely.

"Well, I mean...good, I guess. I'll keep you fed and safe and whatever, but...I don't know how good I'll be at mothering. I didn't have one for long and...it wouldn't be fair for me to be very strict. I get in a lot of trouble, myself."

[sploosh]

At first, Pam doesn't notice her audience. This is good food and she is eating to enjoy it, not to meet anyone's standards. This is Pam time. This place is stressful enough. She deserves to take her little joys where she can find them.

After a moment or so, though, she feels Aziraphale's eyes on her and looks over. She grabs a napkin and wipes her face, her nose scrunching up with her indignant frown. She feels like she's back at the lunch table in high school.

"You got a problem, mister?"

[sploosh]

"Forty-four? And they've got a whole town set up for this crazy shit?"

Pam wracks her brain for any reason someone might do this. She tries to figure out what she might have to offer whatever plan they're moving towards or why they're gathering children along with adults. Her first guess is she's a breeding mare for some kind of cult, but the kids being brought in doesn't make any sense, so that idea is out the window. Then she's shaken from her brainstorming by Bruce's continued warnings.

"....Dead children? What the fuck?! So...they kidnap us, pretend that everything's fine and normal, AND attack us? Why? Why us? I mean, I'm not important or valuable."

[sploosh]

"Ancient China...so..." She lowers her voice. "They're taking us from all over time? That's nuts!"

This whole place gets weirder and weirder. At least she's learning more about it as she goes, but a lot of it seems to just make things more confusing. She's going to need that liquor store.

"I'm Pam Poovey. Pleased to meet you....Nie?"

[sploosh]

"No. I think he's just a wealthy businessman. But...he talks like a spy, sooo...maybe."

Pam shrugs, in no hurry to make Archer less jealous. She won't even bring up what a bummer it is that Bruce won't sleep with her because he's spoken for. She'll let Archer stew for a bit before she complains about that part.

"I don't know! Maybe they replaced you with robots? Or...some other..doppleganger...thing. All I know is you were there when I was at the office a couple days ago."

She's glad that Archer doesn't feel hopeless, but it doesn't help Pam's mood much. Archer takes a 'maybe it will just go away' approach to just about every problem. Knowing him, if there is a solution to this, he will stumble ass-first into it. If.
"I don't wanna look a gift vacation in the mouth, but...I got shamed by a stranger for trying to put in a tiki bar. It's hard to make this feel very vacation-y."

[sploosh]

"Yeah...pretty sure that's what's gonna have to happen. Might even need to make a dresser or a console table into a bar, since this place is kinda anti-booze."

She shrugs and looks at her cart of supplies.

"Ah well, you're right. It's nothing a little paint and DIY won't fix. I love crafts, anyway. You're welcome to help, if you want! I'm hoping it can be a gathering point for...you know...those of us who're new to town."

[undiagnosed]

"Sounds like an asswipe," Archer comments blithely, finally sliding the milkshake over the table back to Pam. Oh, yes, that sugary monstrosity hit a certain spot. Would be better with some rum in it, though. He doesn't have any on hand. Tragedy.

Archer rests his fist on his chin in thought, though his thick brows pinch at the mention of robots.

"Uh, yeah, because robo-me went so well last time, right?" He does wonder what happened to those things, though. Krieger probably still has them. Creepy bastard. "Seriously? Ugh, it's better when the creepiness doesn't make itself apparent. Are you gonna do it anyway? You should do it anyway."

[fanoperator]

"Huaisang," he clarifies. Really, he ought to have a whole host of titles and to insist upon them, but this place doesn't stand upon formality in the same way that his home does, and it's too strange to adjust to the local formality. He's not about to introduce himself as "Mrs. Nie" to any non-locals. Huaisang will do just fine.

"Lovely to meet you as well. Ray and Archer are... fun." His lips quirk a little as he says that. He's gotten into some good shenanigans with both of them.

Peeking into her cart, he grins brightly. "Are you setting up your house? Do you want any help?"

[bibliophilicbells]

Automatically, now that he's been caught: "I — no, I do apologize. Just — "

He can save this, he thinks, and can do it without outright lying.

"You might not want to — draw so much attention to yourself."

Who knows what this place is willing to tranq people over?

[the_caped_crusader]

It's not them attacking us. At least, I don't think it is.

[ bruce rubs his chin thoughtfully. ]

But it's all tied to this town somehow. As for why you, I can't say that either. Some of us aren't even from the same worlds, so it may be entirely circumstantial.

[inpersonation]

"I would love to help," chirped Noelle, deciding she might as well commit to her bit. "I really like the idea of us having a place for us to gather around. Maybe discuss things of importance without worry of eavesdropping or something."

That and easy access to alcohol is nice. She beams up, doing her best to project a sunny and 'we can do it!' attitude. "I'm Blossom, by the way! It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am. It sounds like there's some work that needs to be done but I'll do what I can to help."

[sploosh]

"...how is having lunch drawing attention to myself?"

She huffs a sigh and sets her burger down. This place is impossible.

"I hate trying t'fit in here! It's impossible!"

[sploosh]

"So...this has been goin on a while. This town is stuck in a black and white sitcom...and there are periodic attacks."

Pam sighs and sips her coffee. Her head is starting to hurt. There's no pattern to who is brought in and no clue to how they're being brought in. They may not all even be from the same world. Which...opens a whole other can of worms.

"...Any signs of what's really going on here, or is everyone as confused as I am right now?"

[sploosh]

"Hey, I didn't replace you with a robot! I'm just sayin is either there's something back home that does a great Archer impression, or you're in two places at one time."
Both seem equally likely, at this point. Pam doesn't know what's going on. She's half given up understanding any of it.

"Anyways, yeah. I'm totally gonna build the bar anyway."
She leans over the table, trying to keep things more private.
"I figure we can have normal-person meet ups, talk about what we've seen, and get hammered."

[sploosh]

"Oh. Sorry. Huaisang. Got it."

Pam is used to a number of different responses to her coworkers. At least this one seems positive. She wonders what kind of trouble Archer has managed to cause in this place already. He is not exceptionally...adaptable.
"Yeeeeah, they're somethin alright. Glad Archer hasn't gotten Ray killed yet."

She looks into her own cart and smiles back at Huaisang.
"I'm tryin to put my own mark on the place. I think my husband and daughter have been there a little while already, but it doesn't feel like my house, ya know?"

[sploosh]

"Yeah. My husband has been here longer than me and was tellin me how many of us there are...I figure at least a good number could gather at our house for 'parties' and have a chance to share stories."
Stories about just what the hell is going on in this town, she hopes. IF not, at least everyone can get smashed in peace. That has to count for something.

"I'm gonna try to get a projection screen for movies, too. That oughta be fun."
She hopes there's enough money for her big goals, but she's not sure her husband will support going over-the-top with all of this. Ah well. She'll just have to make her own money, as well. There's always selling tupperware and Avon.

[undiagnosed]

"Perfect situational awareness..." he mutters, but he figures he's too sober to actually try to work out how all that works. Whatever! He trusts Robo-Archer, anyway. He's the only one he can ever trust. "Okay, now you're talking sense!"

Archer eyes the milkshake for a moment like he's considering grabbing it up again, but doesn't. He digs around in his coat pockets for a moment and pushes a silver flask across the table to Pam instead. Friendship offering.

"What have you seen?"

[fanoperator]

"I really do know that feeling," Huaisang agrees, smile warm as he takes that as acceptance of his offer. "I've taken mine over a bit with my painting supplies, though less of an attempt to really decorate the place. Ray has helped a little. My son is getting a little over-enthusiastic about putting his own mark on the place."

Rolling his eyes, Huaisang grins at her. "Let's finish up here and then go get some drinks, shall we? Non-alcoholic, of course." He winks. He definitely does not mean non-alcoholic.

[the_caped_crusader]

The latter, mostly.

[ he sips the coffee himself, a rather casual conversation between 'husband' and 'wife' around their coffee table, the sunlight gently filtering in from the window above the sink. ]

A lot of us have gotten close to something, but there's a preternatural force that tries to stop us when we get too close. If this is Clarke, Craven, Harding, or something else, though, I haven't found any evidence that points one way or the other.

[sploosh]

Pam frowns and narrows her eyes. Obviously, if he's been replaced and she didn't notice, it's a damn good replacement. Archer wouldn't notice if she was replaced by a watercooler in a bad wig so he can shove his situational awareness up his ass.

"Personally? All I've seen is a bunch of locals being big downers and fuckin weirdos. They hate swearing and a good time. They shit all over my free speech and desire for a full liquor bar... But talking to my new family, I know those that have been here longer have seen some more serious shit...and I wanna hear about it."